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| Recently I was asked to type up a sum up of what peace corps has meant to me. It was meant to be sent to all the big shots in DC to ensure their government spending is worthwhile. Here is page that I typed up quickly within only one day, so not completely well done, but its get the pont across of how I feel as I begin to finish up my service. Peace Corps is a phrase that often evokes a certain sentiment of respect from many that hear the title. It was almost as though I felt a sense of accomplishment before I had even started the work. I was hoping somehow to have some kind of great epiphany for the how to save the world or at least learn some kind of way I can find my place in the world. Upon landing in the country of my destination I breathed in the hot humidity that seemed to smother my body and make my glasses fog. I felt like a kid on their first trip to the beach taking in all the new sights and interesting sounds. After surviving, a 3-month training and I felt ready for post. At post I had a lot of time to think about my particular ‘Peace Corp experience.’ I asked myself, “Am I saving the world? Am I taking in a new adventure everyday?” Honestly, I never did find the answer to poverty, nor did I climb a mountain each day. Actually, everything became normal. My emails became more and more so much more part of the norm rather than the explanation of various so-called bizarre sights and activities. Normalcy actually seems so contrary to what most people are trying to achieve in the Peace Corps, but for me, I’ve learned that feeling is often a part of growing. It is a part of knowing that I finally feel comfortable enough in the place that I was put and feel like it is a part of me, it has become a second home. I have built up the strength to accept the things I cannot immediately change and know that all things will change in time. In some small way, I would like to think I have helped influence a change for the better in a few certain individuals, but more importantly, Togo has helped influence a change within myself. A change that allows me to see how I will react in times of challenge and difficulty and a realization that I now have a newly gained perspective on how to make better judgment. There is ultimately no exact moment I can claim as climactic during my service but the lifestyle here just becomes a way of life, our distant parts of the world really do not have to remain so foreign. I cherish my experiences everything from sitting intimately close in a bush taxi to a complete stranger, to greeting a friend in local language while she holds her baby who stares at me with a look of complete fascination. I like to say that the Peace Corps is something everyone should do but not something everyone could do. The experience builds patience and creates a base for different approaches of hands-on problem solving. It is an experience that I will never regret and has changed my whole perspective on previous misconceptions on certain parts of the world. At this point, I can think of no small phrase or paragraph that can totally sum up my experience. In fact, I am still trying to figure out the ideal sound blurb that I can repeat whenever anyone asks, “So tell me, how was Peace Corps in Togo?” This life altering experience is the kind that one will never learn from a book. This experience will forever remain in my memory and as hard as I may try to share what this 2 years has completely meant to my life, few will ever come close to understanding. | | |
| So I had a bit of time so I thought I would try to try to update everyone, not on the past few months because that would be long winded and vague, but rather on just the semi, inbetween now. Last night, a volunteer was down to pick up some friends who were visiting, I made some small talk and asked what were some of the things that shocked them most thus far. They talked about stuff like so many people dressing up to go on airplanes when they return to Africa as we tend not to do. They had only arrived for a couple hours so had yet experienced much of Togo, but it made me think about my life here, have I really let it get mundane. Why have I let it. There is so much that would have hit me if I had just gotten off a plane yesterday but now I say another day. Waking up today as I walked through the dirt streets, swiving through big dips in the road holding big muddy, black puddles of water, standing even further to the side to let a moto pass. Reaching the actual paved road of Lome to wait for my risky opportunity to saefly cross as the motos swerve intermitten with cars and shout "on n' y va" (let's go) I shake my head and look for what street food looks safe to eat- little stands set up, by people wanting to sell their fried bisquits cooked over charcoal in a bowl full of oil or my personal facotire is the egg sandwhich guys who makes omlettes on his little frying pan and tucks it into a loaf of bread putting it in a little black sachet for me to continue my route to eat at my point of destination in the Peace Corps burea, to sit witht he luxery of AC, computer access, and an in and out stream of Peace Corps volunteers filtering through-picking up friends from the airport or typing up the long proposal they shoudl have done last month, or just taking some time to get away from village life. But then it begins to get to you, you begin to feel numb if you stay in the lounge to long, its just too constant, always the same other than the occasional entering of another random volunteer who may or may not stay long. Therefore its back to village life I go, I'll hop in a taxi tomorrow stuffed in the back seat between most likely 2 heavyset women, and a skinny man on the side. Its a nice ride full of beautiful scenery with the occasional checkpoint stops to pay off the police to let you pass, even this is very routine, the driver runs out with his driving papers and then runs back in to shift the creaky car gears and we are off again. Not much changes along the road, I see the usual...women selling peanuts on their head at bigger towns, others sitting by their fruitstands of mangos and pinapples, and then the little kids who give you a sad look when you turn down buying their boiled eggs or cooked snail meat on a stick. Soon the point of destination is reached hopefully without rain or my moto ride back to post may have to wait a bit. If not I can be sure that a moto man will rush to my taxi as I descent to help me unload my baggage. And I slip on my enormous helmet and say ok, "je suis prete" (I'm ready) so then I'm back home, and wonder what can I do the next day to give myself something to do when I'm on the down time. Its always one of the two, always either too much time or too little. As I head back I hope that I can finally be content and not feel guilty about just sitting. Sometimes that's the best things to be done, and not to worry about my guilt of lack of relevant things to do. Soemtimes just sitting by my local marchee women and not saying a word is the most freeing thing I can do. Just to be. So as I sit I think about how I need to be confortable with where I'm at right now, but not let it get old. Sometimes even in the constant guarentee of this kind of common story plot to my travels I should remind myself only in Togo, could this be happening and just let it be real and memorable each differnt but similar time. | | |
| Do you ever have days of complete frustration and you have no idea how to get out of the trapped mindset? Yesterday was kind of like that.....I am now restarting of thinking up many new projects in village but the moment I think there might be some small breakthrough I find a tall, tretcheous wall that seems unclimbable. So let me give you some idea of what I mean, I met with an NGO responsible for soy cultivation, I was intested in working with him once again for this next planting season, the man professed he had already invested a lot of time and his own money to travel to my village and each time he found uninterest, people had either not started planting or had not shown up to inform him of their progress, and when I confronted my counterpart about the matter yesterday he simply said it wasnt the fault of the village; he told me the guy had not shown up as much as he said and everyone wondered where he was, why was he coming no longer, and when will he come again.. I have yet to see much success with the selling of nutritious tofu or soy milk in village so Im hesitant to even start big again; maybe focus just on one person, unlike before with 5 region of a total of 20-30 people. Another matter came that day when a taylor apprentice came to me stating in the absence of her parents she has no means in order to pay her contract in order to earn her appretice degree to move forward, she is a girl who I had nomionated to go to a camp this summer cause she is smart speaks good french and has always been kind to me. The issue of lending out money is always difficult; but I thought maybe I could give a couple mille. Upon asking how much she told me 20 mille <40 dollars> was the amount needed, my jaw drops as I cant imagine most being able to pay this fee. Im exchanging some clothes alterations for overpriced service, so we;ll see what happens. My next frustration brings me to the point of corruption, it exists and is the source of many heart aches. Many have said they put money into something and then found that someone they trusted took all of it, or that they have no way to do anything without someone ruining or stealing their work. Yesterday a student by the name of Kao approached me with his farm idea to work on a field and sell the veggies for money, but half the people he sollicited either said there is no time or they might help, but then he presented me with all the other factors. In our village kids are known to steal from fields; to go in during the night and take a lot of the stuff that you worked hard to grow, even with a fence they often break in, he said it often is adults who pay the kids to go do their dirty work. Along this point of frustrations I find it difficult to do anything without money; as soon as I have an idea I need to either spend money and lots of time to write up letters of permission for village space or permission of speakers, and then if not that then pay through alcohol or perdiem, everyone wants something; and a lot of things that people ask of me should really be provided by the government, like school benches- the kids already pay big school fees, what are they paying for; if half the time the teachers dont even get paid and 4 need to be squeezed on a bench for 2 that is nearly breaking. I would like to help these people in many ways but I simply think me dishing out money is not the solution; especually since that remedy will soon leave me being the one with all the problems of poverty. Im not sure how to control money, especially with so much lack of trust, and how to convince people that money is not always needed. Im frustrated ....Im going to stop thinking for awhile; it ends up making my head hurt, for now all I can do is hope, let me know if you have any ideas | | |
| Got back from all vol and soon to be back to post, here is a recap... Discussion of policies, because DC should take us seriously there has to be some structured rule base but as it stands now our out of site policy and transit policies are very lenient. Its difficult to say how much time people should spend away from village because people have various work elsewhere or they may need mental health days, or have special positions that require them to travel or collaborate with others. So as most things go in life its very case specific and of course when you try to put a concrete rule down it wont work unless very vague. There was a lot of social time as well, so it was good to see everyone but overwelming. In the course of all this socializing we also had elections for the new groups, I'm no longer on the gender and development comittee and have passed my torch off to the next group, but before leaving we as a collective group of volunteers helped raise over $1000 for the girls scholarship program (Karren Waid) of Togo. There are now 76 girls in the program and many will be entering the University level next year, so hopefully we can continue to find the funds and make the program alittle more sustainable. My advice to anyone starting anything with good intentions to help people would be...think it all the way through before you act or it will just could set up potential disaster. Not too much craziness other than that, but I now must go back and try to catch up on rest and work | | |
| I'm really sporadic with these updates, but am in the new habit of trying to at least inform people that I'm here, I'm alive and doing fine. There actually isnt too much to write about. There is a lot of stagnant work or frustrations. And I think a lot of my stage is starting to get senioritus, as most of us all have experienced, you have a good time in college but there comes a point where you are ready to get out and face the world and just finally achieve that diploma. And I've had a slew of bad luck with lack of drive to accomplish much in my village. I compare this to a serving a meal and wanting people to serve themselves but instead they look to me as well arent you going to feed us, and if its really bad they complain about what I'm serving and say that they would rather something else that I might have never learned how to make or have the ingredients to do so. I guess in some ways I cant expect soem people to feed themselves if they never learned how, but first they must change their attitude from feed me to teach me how or they will go hungry. And I'm a big advocate of not wasting my time, and I see a lot of potenital ideas that could take up a lot of my free time that I would like to unfree....however I only want to do it if its beneficial and building capacity for stability. So as of now I continue to work with my peer educators and work on the health club at the middle school. The midwife at the the dispensiare had talked about home visits for encouraging visits since people are reluctant to come with lack of money that they would have to pay. But then again if they get treated at home they end up paying a charlatin. And the belief in curses is stronger here than I orginally thought. I want to delve into some of these beliefs on "gri-gri" if anyone is interested...So there is a basic belief among much of my village that when one is feeling crappy this can eithe r be attributed to being sick, or someone putting a curse on you. And this is something you cant go tot he dispensaire to treat. The other day I was walkign down the road and I ran into one of my peer educators, a 14 yr old boy by the name of Mattieu, he is usually quite animated and likes to strut as he walks and always gives me an enthusiastic hand shake upon our run-ins with one another. When I saw him this particular time, instead of a strut it was more of a mope, and I said "Matthieu qu'est-ce que tu as? And he talked about sourcery and that someone had put a curse against him, I insited why would they want to do that, and he wasnt sure but informed me that when he saw the person that he thinks did it, its good that he had touched his shoulder rather than his heart because when you touch your heart the bad spirits will enter there, and you could die. Instead he had an ache near his chest and shoulder area. He said the charleton, shaman, witchdoctor (use your word of choice, but nevertheless looks like a normal villager) had took a blade and cut in beteween his breast bone and small incision in order to insert some kid of concoction. So I said I hope he used a clean blade, which I was informed Mattieu had bought it himself. I tried to convince him to go the dispensaire as well, but he insisted that this was different, and even if he did go, they usually just prescribe you some kind of medecine without really telling you what your suffering with. I was informed that Matteiu is feeling better, and that he needs to be careful around certain people. I talked with a 29 yr old woman in my vilalge who reached a high school level, but dropped out to raise her baby and get married and make money. I figured surely she would agree that this was a little extreme especially since she is a devout christian who always talks about God to me. But she agreed that it was necessary that he gets healed because there are people who want to do bad unto you. She said there are some people can just look at you and shrink you (I gave my look of are you serious?) She said its true, granted you wont see it, but you'll feel it, and I counter the comment with but if you believe in God dont you think this isnt going to happen cause thats stronger and she said well yeah but that's only if you are really a strong believer, some people cant fight against it, and will remain small. Then she went on to try to convince me with this story. She says, the girl next door is sick right now because of her mom, and I say why would her mom want to make her sick and she throws up her hands and says, you see, I dont know some peopel are jsut bad and want to do bad to others. If you are successful in village, she says, then other people will get jealous and will try to curse you and kill you. So everyone is afraid to develop the village if they have money cause then others will want to ruin their careers cause they dont have it too. Who knows? I'm so confused on what to say, and there isnt much to say other than asking questions, trying to give exceptions to the rule, but they usally just say something like "yeah I dont know why they choose to do it to some people and not to others" I respond to this, by shrugging and nodding and acting like Im not completely againt their idea of people cursing them, but trying to explain that there are usually logical reasons behind most ills of the body. And so I continue...... | | |
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